Admissions... and New Beginnings

Even when I was in junior high-- I hated the course of Health & Safety. Health and Science. Health and Anything. I abhor the obsessive talking of diet and the study of health. The time has come and now- I'm going to have to LIVE it. Eat, drink, breathe and LIVE healthy and a diet.

Last night I went to the Sign-up Seminar for the UAMS Weight-Loss Program. I had two really good escorts. My daddy and our family friend, Sandy. Sandy has been on the program since June and has successfully lost over fifty pounds. Yeah for Sandy!! Both are "in my boat" and both are supportive. Thanks- guys!

officially I begin the program in January.The more basic process of self-evaluation and introspective reflections begins now. I do look forward to being healthier. I really look forward to feeling better. I don't look forward to meal replacements. I hear they taste pretty mundane. Even the chocolate one. I don't look forward to admitting the truth leading up to my pathetic situation.

A Lie.. and the Truth....

For some time now... there has been elephant in my house- and I can no longer ignore or avoid acknowledging it. It used to be a silent creature that was just "danced" around... now, it is a real elephant and taking up too much floor space. It's not like the other critters in our house that are cute, cuddly and considered pets- oh no! It's ugly and pathetic and needy. Admitting it is both painful and a relief. It has a name, OBESITY. And.. it has a number. 296. YIKES! Did I just admit that, too?? Oh, geez. That's like the most heavily guarded secret in the Queen's court. I almost feel like I'm betraying myself by writhing this.

Two bad habits (more dirty little secrets) I'm having to give up are convenience foods and binging. That's the lie I've been living recently. Lies in the sense that what I'm doing (and eating) isn't going to "hurt" me. It has... and before I swallow (literally and figuratively) any more of it- I'm going to face it.

I am going to deal with it, though. And, I am going to choke down the awful truth- as bitter as it may be... it can't be any worse than the meal replacement stuff. The "stuff" is some powdered concoction of 800 calories of 125% of the RDA and can be made into liquid shakes, baked into chips, grilled (as in pancakes) and more. Oh, joy! *said sarcastically* Now, I get to go to cooking class.... grrr..... more of my favorite past-times... NOT!

What a vicious cycle...

pain = not being consistent
not cooking real food consistently = convenience foods
convenience foods = unsatisfied well-being
unsatisfied well-being = binging on more convenience foods
convenience foods & more binging= more pain

What a paradox. And, it's not really as simple as all those equations either. But- it's about as basic and concise as I'm able to grapple with today.

And, so-- I start fresh. Now. Today. In the present time. Like the lyrics from the Tracy Chapman song "New Beginnings".... Starting all over. Start breaking the cycle. Start breaking the chain. Starting all over. Make new symbols. Make new signs. Make a new language. Easier to redefine the world by starting all over.

And, calling my elephant "Obesity" is a great beginning.

Prayers requested. I'm a pretty weak and pathetic soul when it comes to facing myself and my elephant.