Code Blue is NOT a term for a good sale....

{ This is an actual account from January 2005, see STORY ORIGINS below. }

Well, you never know what kind of trouble Kim and I can get into.

We can find it when it's not even looking for us. Or, it can sneak up behind us and spook us and we'll just laugh! Which is pretty much the way it happened tonight-- but, I thot I'd give some of you a little insight when you hear the words: "Associates, Code Blue. All associates - this is Code Blue."

Kim and I went to our favorite store, you know the name... starts with a Wal and ends with a Mart. Being the week after Christmas we were sure to get some good markdowns-- and they might have put out new craft goodies in the craft section. Besides- we needed a little retail therapy-- as we'd not seen each other all week. Scrap Stuff. Scrap Organizer Stuff. Scrap Stuff that Some Knuckle-head had Hidden and We Just Uncovered Stuff. We'd been dutifully grabbing and comparing, flinging and filling our buggy for about an hour - when the announcement was made. Now, Kim- (being in the medical field) looked authoritatively at me and said "that means somebody's not breathing or the heart has stopped". So, we really didn't pay much heed. Too, we knew that it being New Year's night past 10 pm- that it probably wasn't a Blue Light Special kind of announcement. But, it really didn't mean anything significant to us.

We wandered a little further down the next aisle of Christmas mark-downs. Kim and I are savvy customers-- we've learned the best hours for shopping without having a lot of crazed consumers crowding the action alleys. We've been shopping this time of day (or night as it were) for quite a while- gathering up all kinds of bargains and over-looked treasures. Why! She'd even found an indoor basketball hoop for her son- and it wasn't even misshapen; the perfect new stand for her Christmas gift- a new scanner/printer. New (to us) beads and wire jewelry supplies that would work just GREAT on a new lay-out. We were just on the third aisle of the really good stuff-- the 75% clearance of holiday flotsam jetsam when the second broadcast was made.

This time it was a little shriller-- and stated that "Everyone needs to find the nearest exit and leave the store immediately. Associates Code Blue- to the nearest exit." We took the "Everyone" to mean us this time and began towards the checkouts. We'd not gotten past Health and Beauty Aids before we saw folks at the opposite end of the store running towards the exit. Uhhh... the two exits that were nearest us were both locked for the night and there was a law woman bearing towards us. She took one look at our overflowing basket and said "You need to leave that right there- there's a problem with the electrical wiring and when it's fixed you can come back and check out your buggy". Oh. Okay. Fine. Sounds good to me. No big-a-deal.

The closer we get to the exit- the associates are chattering amongst themselves. But, they aren't saying anything really legible and the kids in front of us are giggling and wondering if the alarms will go off if the wiring is really messed up. By this time- I've got a pretty sneaky suspicion that it's not a wiring problem and since the weather isn't really stormy- it's probably got to be a threat of some other kind. For one thing- by the time we get out the doors- there's no fire trucks around. Just the sheriffs deputy's. So, I ask casually to no one in particular- "should I move my car?" and one of the fleeing associates replies "Yes, you need to get to the very end of the parking lot". Uhh.. sure seems a little more ominous than an electrical problem to me. And, where ARE the firetrucks?? Shouldn't they be heard by now, they are only a mere five blocks away.

Well, Kim and I wound our way out of the parking lot around the pedestrians and refugeed across the street in the Dollar Tree parking lot. We tried our best to overhear what the associates were talking about- but, they are too far away. Since we're thirsty- we head over to McDonalds to get some refreshments- besides... there's a better vantage point from there! When we got to the cashier- we asked if they knew what was going on over next door and the guy just said- "Oh, yeah- they had a bomb threat." Now, we couldn't just LEAVE! We might miss something truly worth scrapping! I mean-- there's sheriff's deputies and police cars; but, still- NO FIRE TRUCKS! If I ran the zoo- I'd be sure and have them at least sitting there to put out even a hint of a whisp of smoke--I mean-- there's a lot of investment there! Kim and I together had at least 2 hours of effort poured into that one lone buggy! We waited 45 minutes before the firetrucks finally showed up. They still weren't letting any of the late night shoppers in the doors- but, did allow them to drive AROUND the barricades at the parking lot entrances. Can you say.. "Duh? WHY?"

I think it's because Kim and I had found the very BEST of the markdowns and some creep wanted it for themselves, called in the threat and is waiting til they open the doors back and is going to go and grab our loaded buggy over by register number 18. RATS. So much for our late night- blue-light specials bargain hunting. We can give you a blow-by-blow description of how the police-lady rode on the hood of the police car when they exited the building. That's what happens in small rural town when there's nothing open but the Super Center and it has a little "excitement".

Just thot you'd want to know.

Oh... and we never heard of any explosions or arrests since then. Guess everybody's A-ok. If you see somebody casing a loaded buggy with craft supplies and clearance goodies, tho-- get a license number for us. We may just have to pay 'em a visit.

{ STORY ORIGINS } This is an true and actual event that occurred on New Year's Eve Night of 2005.

{ DISCLAIMER } All persons portrayed are as real as humanly possible; no animals were hurt or damaged in the events relayed. I most sincerely do hope that it will never happen to you... and if it does- make sure and put your name and phone number on the buggy for later retrieval. Republished in the spirit of hilarity. Warranty is null and void if UPC symbol is damaged or marred. Not responsible for any injuries incurred while reading the above narrative. Comments welcome. This product expires when mold reaches a one inch thickness or it is determined that the product may have been contaminated by the presence of sludge, mildew or actual BS. In case of fire, break glass. Children should not try this at home. NOT AUTHORIZED for sale or rental outside the USA and Canada. Bonus material not rated or close-captioned. Distributed with symbol and trademarks representative of the author within the permission of The Queen, Her Royalness Katatrina of the Siamese. Images in mirror may be closer than they appear. Using an arm in the upright position may or may not indicate the intention to make a left hand turn- use blinkers when at all possible. Quantities limited. All sales final. Not intended for human consumption. A good rule of thumb is to use the index. Potable water is not available at this time- please see attendant for specific instructions. Did you leave your comments yet? Some things are better left unsaid... for all others shouting may be necessary. A legal document of authentification may be required for genuine purposes. Great balls of fire, good golly Miss Molly. If at first you don't succeed- try, try again. Crime doesn't pay. Keep off the grass. Are you still with me here? Then, please accept my apologies and have a Happy New Year. Baking soda makes an excellent cleanser for counter tops, laundry and teeth. The use of baking soda may actually increase sodium levels in certain instances. Care must be given in the event of a natural or unnatural disasters. I love you MIL. You, too- sisters and SIL2B. The provisions of this warranty give you specific legal rights and you may have other rights which vary from state to state. READ AND SAVE THESE INSTRUCTIONS. Read all instructions before using device. For Household Use Only. No serviceable parts inside. Do not attempt to service this product. CAUTION: Always use feeder and pusher, keeping item gently pressed against guide. For safety and protection push ON/OFF button. Ha ha. Caught you. Would you please tell my son and my brother I love them as well? Do not allow cord to hang over edge of table or counter or touch hot surfaces. Avoid contacting moving parts. Never feed food by hand. To protect against risk of electrical shock, do not put power unit in water or other liquid. Some critics say that the way to man's heart is through his stomach-- I say it's a skoal can. Can this go on forever? NO. Just say NO. It's noon- do you know where your children are? A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what? Shake gently before each use. Store upright at 20 to 25 degree Celsius or 66 to 77 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not freeze. Protect from light. Read all instructions before use.